Just a Legacy: Back into the swing

Things have gotten crazy in my home. I’ve had to put many things on the back burner because even little things have been incredibly overwhelming. What have I said about it here in this blog? I’m not entirely sure.

The anxieties and stresses have been incredibly high and it feels as if my memory has forsaken me. It’s been hard most days to even remember if I remembered to eat. For just a legacy, I do actually have notes in a bullet journal that state what my next goals were just as I stopped being able to play. But I couldn’t remember the story. There was no way I was going to be able to write again, without reading again.

So I put it off. Wrote things that had my creative waves in moments of productive strength. And thought about all the stories I’ve been neglecting and wanted to play. But didn’t want to just pick up and ruin because of inability to have memory. I’ve gotten a few concussions as well during the last couple years.

I say a few… Because we’re unsure of the number. Skip the next paragraph if you don’t want to read something potentially triggering…

There was a realization that I may have taken a few hits during sex and that’s where my concussions started. Not a hand striking me. But my head being slammed against a wall repeatedly as … Well as … Sigh. It’s hard to admit that I’ve taken more abuse than I have ever wanted to admit. Because I don’t want to speak Ill of him even though he will be my ex husband. Will. If I glcan get this divorce to finalize. I’m fighting so hard to get it finalized. He would take me in vulnerable states where I didn’t have the strength to fight him off. Say no. And he’d push me so close to the wall I couldn’t stop myself from hitting it. Or my hands would get crushed between my head and the wall. I now have issues with my hands as well. Which has been causing me deep amounts of depression and frustration because I can’t write. Or draw. When I’m in so much pain. And the headaches and disorientation that I keep getting with minor head bumps have people telling me to get a helmet to stop me from getting any more concussions.

I digress. But I’ve been in a lot of pain. And I haven’t wanted to make anyone suffer from it. I felt that… Sharing it. Will make people think that I’m weak. That I’m whining. That… That I want attention. Mostly. I just want to stop hurting and I don’t know how. And it’s hard to think I evem deserve to stop hurting.

I’ve been in therapy for the last year. It’s not helping much. But many old wounds are getting opened. And my soulmate is trying to help me face them. But wow… There’s a lot. He stated once jokingly to cheer me up “is there a trauma you haven’t experienced.” Because yes of course there is. I always think my life could be worse. Not everything is horrible. Just.. so much is. And I’m so tired of it all. He did mean it as a cheer up thing. And I found it amusing and appreciated it.

Just Incase anyone misunderstands that. Which is something I worry about. I get misunderstood a lot. I’ve just been rereading the legacies (including my own) of the legacy family renaissance that several of us stated during the pandemic. CathyTea’s Case resonates with me a lot right now because of that. It was stated in one of the earlier chapters that he was happy when he had found someone that understood him and didn’t just look at him weird.

I feel like people look at me weird. I’m scared of it. I’m scared of a lot of things. It feels like someone is always upset with me. And usually it feels like they’re upset with me just for existing and not because I’ve actually done anything wrong. It’s really painful. And it’s hard not to assume that I actually have done something wrong and than beat myself up for years and years and years. Trying to solve a problem that isn’t there. Or is it? I’m still having issues.

This legacy Renaissance was very much a therapy session. A coping with life’s circumstances. Maybe that’s what I need again. I need to just make the time to let my sims story embarrass me and help me heal when I feel like my world is still crumbling and I’m grasping to stay a float.

I’m so scared of the future and I’m doing everything I can to be a good mom and to fix 10+ years of abuse overnight so I can be the strong parent they need to help them grow up with confidence in themselves. And lead them on a path where they accept others for their differences instead of judging them.

The world is filled with to much judging right now. And I’m scared. So scared.

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After a bit of reading… though I still have a lot to recatch up on. I think I’m okay to sort of jump back in. I’ve done a lot of skimming, and I brushed up on looking at traits and skills and such, and I still have my bullet journal notes from way back when I last played over a year ago.

We have a small graveyard now. Blossom and Mary Greenburg, buried beneath their tree in a garden. As well as Marcus (Flex) Anansi and Brytani (Cho) Justice. All will be greatly missed.

Monique is a young adult now. I’m debating having her move out, or continuing the last goals I had set for her. Try to find love, and climb Mount Komorebi with Lyndsey.

Everyone is still trying to cope with the loss still, so I think now isn’t the right time to move Monique out.

The oldest sisters are keeping each other company making feel good meals in the kitchen. Comfort food. What has happened is still a lot to take in. They’re going to make plans to make the best out of it. Brytani had a very long and wonderful life. They’re grateful she was around for so long.

The pond gets mysteriously filled with spirites. Perhaps it is Brytani staying to watch over her family.

It’s a somber house. Everyone doing their own thing. Things will pick up again. Grief just takes a little bit to heal.

Meanwhile. Willow and Lyndsey are off to high school. And for the first time this legacy, I’m going to follow them!

They went to the principal’s office to explain why they might not have all their work done for awhile because they’re upset about the loss of their mother.

They’re both in classroom one and despite all the teenagers in the game, the school is rather empty. It’s so strange.

Lyndsey tries to meet people and get lunch, but she’s not feeling super social. She hasn’t seen her crush all day, she was hoping to cheer herself up by talking to him, so she sent him a sad text. After school, he texted her back and invited her over.

Taku invited her over and he was really angry. She tried to calm him down. “Taku, what’s wrong?” I can understand that sometimes people get angry for no reason. The air pressure is to much and you can’t tell why you’re irritated. Or sounds are to loud but it’s something common so it doesn’t seem like it should be something you’re angry about. Or maybe it’s a series of little things that have added up while you’re not paying attention. And the frustrated feelings you didn’t know you needed to get rid of over small insignificant things like not being able to find a specific eraser you were looking for. Why would you need to release that frustration by talking about it?

Something was eating at Taku. But he couldn’t place it. He was just angry. Lyndsey suggested just starting with a chemical balance and getting something to eat.

“Yeah, mom is making dinner. I’ll eat shortly.”

“Okay. Well, I hope that helps.”

Before they could get into much more of a conversation there were some screams.

His younger sister Miki came running outside crying. His dad just got home. The baby! My wife! Where’s my phone?!? As the firefighters were called, Lyndsey ran inside.

She ripped a fire extinguisher off the wall and sprayed her crush’s mom with the white foam to put out the fire on her and than pulled her outside.

They ran outside and looked around in panic. There was still one child missing. The baby, upstairs.

Thankfully the firefighters arrived and were able to put the fire out. Taku however. Remained angry through the entire ordeal.

They decided to head out together to calm their nerves after everything settled down. Fires, and deaths. It was needed. She talked about losing her mom and the family friend Marcus. Taku thanked her for saving his own mom.

They decided to just spend some time together checking out the amusement park. Have as much fun as they could.

They risked a first kiss in the dark of the Cuddle Carts.

And messed around in the photobooth. It was a wild night.

At home, Karter was still avoiding his own artistic prodigy aspiration. He loved colors and creativity, but he just really loved playing on the monkey bars and running around.

Harmony thinks that he’s hilarious. She also has a hard time following her own whiz-kid aspiration. She tends to also be running around doing other stuff like stopping to dance.

I’m not back in the story very well yet of this legacy. I’m still refreshing my mind. But I have managed to finally make the character page that lists random information about the characters in the story. Or rather, it’s mostly the story of those that live in the house and then bits and pieces of what other sims they are connected to via convoluted family trees.

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